Sleepless nights

So utterly tired of trying to get some rest. Sleep will never come. Even worse my mind won't stop thinking! The bloody reason to why I feel so upset tonight. Not only do i feel like my relationship is falling apart. I feel like he just might be talking to someone else. As awful as it may sound. There was always something about him that just wasn't right. Till this day it bugs me! How can a person not remember there past? When I first started dating him I wanted to get to know him better. I wanted to know what kind of person he was and what made him who is now, but nothing... He gave me shit. He told me that he doesn't remember the past. Not even the girls he dated. WTF?! How can u not remember people you once loved. Sorry, I'm a very forgetful person, but I still remember shit like that. What he said to me sounded like big ass sweaty bull shit! This was just the beginning tho... I let it slide. Buy now that things are going down hill, I can't help but to start thinking about his past. What was he hiding? Is he a bloody cheater? Or Was it the crazy scary ass bad temper he attacked me with a few times? Or the lies he tells? Or maybe it was how much he likes to keep to himself and everything is likes god dam secrete. Doesn't like to share shit! I mean, seriously, what kind of relationship is this? Almost 3 years and nothing has changed. I know, I know, why do I bother? Right? My friends would say " hello leave him! Why are you wasting you time! Your not getting younger! Well my dear friends.... Just like life, it's just not that easy! I just needed to vent right now and I know that this post probably makes no sense. I'm going to try to go to bed again. Good night Internet world.

In the shadows....

In the shadows? really? LOL. I laugh at myself sometimes, because I can be soooo corny. lol 

yeah, in the shadows I hide in the corner of my room and cry like a little bitch because, I ate my last cupcake and now there are no more cupcakes. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. It's times like this where I wish there was a 24hr delicious treat delivery man. Yes, 24hrs, because I am a nocturnal pig beast that needs to eat a lot and nothing yummy is ever open at 4:51am. poop :( 

I'm just always hungry, because I don't have enough food in this forbidden place of Doom I call home. 

Things are just not going well for me here. Nobody is hiring me. Relationships that I had treasured are crashing down around me. I have turned into a zombie a really skinny zombie. I feel like an empty shell. I lost so much time ad latley I feel like I have no energy. What's even worse is that, I really don't have any good friends here. Nothing. I miss my friends back in my old town, at least when there around I knew that I was not alone and that they made me feel better when times were bad. Everyday seems to become worse. Plus, I don't have any money. So it's getting harder for me to even go out. I just feel like giving up. :: deep breath ::      sigh*

Falling apart

Loneliness has driven me to start a blog where I can vent and release all this pain inside. I’m taking a chance, risking the possibility of humiliation… I trust that somewhere out there someone would read my little messages and understand and care. And maybe, just maybe, It will make me feel a little less alone.